Category Archives: What Had Happened Was

March 29, 2013 · 8:37 am

Proof That Drugs Make You Stupid!


state-police-cars-5ca53217ffef0e94_large

From the What Had Happened Was files…Totowa, NJ

Talk about STUPID…

What had happened was…four guys from beautiful Paterson, NJ were parked at a State Troopers barrack, waiting for one of their felonious friends to get his car out of impound.  At the same time, a trooper who was loading his car for his overnight shift, smelled a little something funny. He looks three cars over and notices a car full of gang members  upstanding citizens “killing time” while they wait for their buddy. (Getting a car out of impound must take a while!) Long story short, he radios for a few more troopers, they search the car, and come up with 15 ziplock bags of pot and 14 Ecstasy tabs, and they all get arrested. Oh, and don’t forget the outstanding warrants two of them had.

The trooper quoted in the article  sums it up nicely:

“I will say this: They didn’t make the brightest decision on where to smoke their pot.”

I’d post their mug shots, but I don’t feel like having the guy sporting the tear drop tattoos finding me, so if you’d like to see for yourself, click the link.

Brilliant move guys…seriously, brilliant….but on the upside, you’re totally in the running for the What Had Happened Was Article of the Year…and so far, you’re winning!  Good luck with that!

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March 23, 2013 · 7:03 am

Inappropriate Massage


massage-toucher

From the What Had Happened Was files…

I’m going to keep this short and sweet because it’s just too easy…

What had happened was …Lawrence Urban, a massage therapist at Therapeutic Stress Free Massage Center in Cascade Township, Michigan was arrested for inappropriately touching a customer during a massage.

Let me get this straight…a customer comes in and pays for a massage…this is the guy who walks in to give the massage…and the customer STAYS?!?

I rest my case.

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January 1, 2013 · 9:13 am

2012 in Review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 14,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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November 24, 2012 · 6:23 am

Black Friday Chaos


 

See this? This is exactly why I will NEVER go out shopping on Black Friday! People are completely out of their minds! There is no deal worth the violence that comes with it. Here are just a few of many stories from around the web showing how low people will stoop to save a few bucks:

*San Antonio man pulls gun over line cutting.

*$2.00 Waffle maker riot in Little Rock Arkansas. (C’mon…how many waffle makers do you really need?)

*Full scale riot over cameras and smart phones in GA

*Two people shot in Florida over a parking spot.

*14 year old robbed outside of Bed, Bath and Beyond near Baltimore. (This I’m not shocked by! Baltimore is one scary city, and my least favorite place to go!)

*Man threatens to stab everyone in line at KMart. (I won’t even watch this video, but you can if you want to. I think the story is enough!)

and finally, my personal favorite: Massachusetts man takes home TV, leaves 2 year old behind. That one just takes the cake! I guess it’s hard to hold a child’s hand and hold a 51 inch flat screen at the same time….so he leaves him there, never looks for him, and goes home. What a *&%$#@*%!!!!

These stories get worse every single year.

Disgusting…simply disgusting.

Here’s an idea…just stay home people.  Wait for another day. The sales will be there until Christmas if you pay attention. The above mentioned garbage just isn’t worth saving a few bucks.

 

 

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November 23, 2012 · 6:25 am

Black Friday/Cyber Monday Deals!


What better time to pick back up on my blog than Black Friday/Cyber Monday, crazy-ass shopping time? It’s been a long few weeks here on the Jersey Shore, but I think it’s time to share some humor…you know, now that the “stress free’ holiday season is upon us!

All weekend long, I will be posting outstanding “Oh Yes They Did” kinds of deals and stories I would never want you to miss out on. Consider it my gift to you!

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October 22, 2012 · 5:51 am

Don’t Dress as a Skunk for Halloween!


Are you still trying to figure out what to be for Halloween? Well, dressing as a skunk is a bad idea, especially if you are going to be in western Pennsylvania.

See, what had happened was…A 9 year old girl from Beaver County, PA went to an outdoor family Halloween party Saturday night dressed as a skunk, and got shot (yes, shot) by her uncle who somehow truly thought she really was one. Luckily, he only shot her in the shoulder and she’s alright.

A few things here…

#1: When I read this, I figured that this girl must have had the best costume EVER, complete with a little stink sac. However, that is not the case. She was actually just dressed all in black, with a black hat that had a white tassle on it. That doesn’t really sound very skunkish to me. I was picturing a full black, furry body suit with a big white stripe down the back. Maybe a really good  Pepe LePew outfit even…not what she had on. I have  a feeling this kid actually had to tell people she was supposed to be a skunk and they said “Oh. Alrighty then.”

#2: I figured she must have been crawling through the grass or something for her Wild Bill Hickok of an uncle to mistake her for a real deal skunk. It doesn’t say whether she was upright or not, but I’m going to go with my theory , so this story actually makes a drop of sense to me.

#3: How the hell big are the skunks in western Pennslyvania? Are they actually the size of a 9 year old girl that a person would actually mistake her for one?

#4: Why does this man have a loaded shotgun at the ready at an outdoor Halloween party?

#5: The authorities say her uncle wasn’t drinking. Wait, what?!? This guy was full on SOBER and still mistook her for a real skunk? In that outfit?

Something stinks about this story (sorry, I couldn’t resist), because everything just doesn’t add up.

Moral of the story…be something other than a skunk this Halloween please…especially if your “sober” uncle who just so happens to have a loaded shotgun and questionable eyesight is around. If you still feel the need to be a skunk, at least remain in the upright position. Your odds of going home in one piece are probably a little better that way.

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September 10, 2012 · 5:21 pm

Pole Dancing For Kids…Klassy With A K!


I know I said I was only going to post on weekends now, but after reading this story, I knew I had to post about it.

What Had Happened Was…a Canadian dance studio named Twisted Grip and Fitness has decided that it was a fantastic idea to offer pole dancing classes named “Little Spinners”  for children as young as five years old. The owner, Kristy Craig, said that she “introduced the class because existing clients wanted it, and so far three girls and one boy have registered for classes, which start on Sept. 22. Her youngest student is 5 years old, the oldest is about 12 years old.” She says there’s nothing sexual about it, because (and I quote) ”It’s pure fitness and strength and fun. I mean kids love climbing trees. They will climb anything.“

Um, sorry Kristy, but climbing trees as a kid is normal. Swinging from a stripper pole isn’t. Any parent who signs their kid up for this should seriously have their head checked, and should go out and change their child’s name to something awesome, like Candy Apple. That way, when they someday become a stripper, thanks to mom and dad’s grand plans for his/her future, they will know it’s go time when they hear “Please welcome to the main stage, Candy Apple!”. I’m sure the parents won’t mind being reimbursed for all of those great lessons in singles someday,  right?

I have a feeling the talent shows at their local elementary schools will never be the same.  I’m pretty sure the schools don’t even have a brass pole lying around, but I have a feeling the charming parents of these kids will buy their little darlings a portable one, just in case. (You never know when one might need to do a performance.) Do you know what my daughter did last year at her school talent show?  Hula hooped, because that’s what a normal 10 year old does.

Way to go Twisted Grip and Fitness. You’ve sunken humanity to a whole new level with this one. Maybe you can get a reality show on TLC to rival Toddlers & Tiaras, and all of those other disgusting assholes they like to make famous. You’ll fit right in. (Insert sarcastic slow golf clap here.)

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September 8, 2012 · 1:13 pm

New Posting Schedule


 

Happy Saturday everyone! Just wanted to let you all know that with school starting back up, I will have to change my posting schedule to the weekends. From September to June, I am one busy woman. I hope you will still stick around to enjoy my favorite Unpinteresting and Shitsy finds. Thanks again for reading my blog!

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August 21, 2012 · 9:42 am

Cash For Crack Heads!


Allow me to introduce to you a true job opportunity for the crack heads residing in New Jersey.

See, what had happened was…I was happily sipping my coffee and perusing the Asbury Park Press on Sunday morning, when I came across this giant ad placed smack dab underneath the movie times…and I could not believe my drug-free, tax paying eyes!

Let me get this straight…Rutgers University’s Center of Alcohol Studies is willing to give pieces of shit who are a drain on society people who regularly smoke cocaine a $100 Visa card to look at their brain functions?!?!? Are you kidding me?!?

A few things here:

* I have strong doubts that anyone who regularly smokes cocaine is going to be perusing the Sunday Asbury Park Press anytime soon. Thus they won’t even get to see this fine opportunity that’s come a-knockin on their door! They should post this on telephone poles in some of the finer parts of the great Garden State if they want anyone who is “qualified” to actually know about this.

* The first thing those pieces of shit who are a drain on society people are going to do is go down to the local pawn shop and get somewhere between $30-$50  for trading that Visa card in…and what exactly do you think they are going to do with their new found fortune? Hmmm, that’s a tough one, huh? (Unless crack dealers accept Visa gift cards. I wouldn’t know.)

* What defines “regularly”? Do you have to smoke it everyday? A few days a week? They really need to be more specific here.

*Why don’t this just go down to some rehab and ask to do this kind of bullshit to people who are trying to quit? If they smoked crack regularly, the damage has already been done, hasn’t it? Is it because one actually gets to smoke cocaine while the study is occurring? If so, is Rutgers supplying the crack? Are they going to use the highest quality stuff or some street level shit from a corner in Newark? Do they get to bring their own crack with them?

I don’t know about you, but this whole advertisement totally pisses me off. If you are a piece of shit who is a drain on society  person who regularly smokes crack, there’s no way you should get a $100 Visa gift card thanks to being such a fine upstanding citizen that you can’t put the crack pipe down. They already get shit handed to them on a silver platter in NJ thanks to my tax dollars, and now they get a Visa card to boot? Where’s my $100 Visa card for being a good person who raises her child correctly and holds an actual job??? Ohhh, that’s right…there’s no “reward” for that. That is some serious bullshit. Shame on you Rutgers for placing this ad in the newspaper and offering these lowlifes any extra money. I don’t give a flying shit how poorly their melted brains function, and neither should you. Maybe you can give them some more free medical treatment too after you check the pictures out… because that’d be par for the course in NJ.

In the words of the late Whitney Houston…”Crack is Whack!” and so is this bullshit advertisement!

Rant.over.

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August 19, 2012 · 8:57 am

The New 90…EEK!


In case you don’t know, the picture above is Jackie Stallone…Sylvester Stallone’s 90 year old mother! He brought her as his date to his film premiere a few nights ago, and this is what she looks like. Holy crap on a cracker! That woman has had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers and Heidi Montag combined!  She has officially set a new standard for trout lips!

Let’s do a side by side comparison, shall we?

This is what she looked like in 2005 at the age of 83 when she was on Celeb Big Brother UK:

Yikes

and a close up of her now:

Wowzas

I cannot even fathom how much money this woman has spent on plastic surgery! She’s got lips like ass cheeks, and if she gets her face stretched any tighter, her skin is going to actually rip. Imagine what she looks like when she gets up in the morning? It’s got to be a flat out horror show! You know who she reminds me of? Big Ang. Sadly she actually looks better than that train wreck does.

I cannot believe a 90 year old woman can look like this. She surely doesn’t have to worry about disintegration when she passes away because she’s got enough filler in her to last through eternity. If she gets cremated, they better back the hell up in case of explosion when the heat hits her.

I cannot stop staring at her picture. She truly has taken the whole “refusing to grow old gracefully” thing to a new level. Wow…just wow!

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