Monthly Archives: July 2012

July 31, 2012 · 9:31 am

All Kinds of Wrongsie


Today I am proud to present my very first dual That’s Shitsy/Unpinteresting post! I originally found this on Pinterest, but when I clicked on it, it brought me to an Etsy site where one could actually order this classless piece of garbage. It retails for $16 and she has 5 available. She even included a picture of a baby modeling it:

Really? Who in their right mind would ever put something that says “Made in Vagina” on their child? Well, apparently one of the pinners  wants to because she has proclaimed that she “must get this for her next baby!” I did think it was funny that someone posted under it “Technically babies are made in the Fallopian tube.” but that’s about where the funny ends with this one. There’s nothing quite like emotionally scarring your kid from the get go. Maybe the seller can take it a step further by selling the parents matching T-shirts that say “Vagina Is For Lovers”. That would look great for a family portrait, wouldn’t it?

This is just wrong…all kinds of wrong.

Made In Vagina Onesie…That’s Shitsy and I dub thee Unpinteresting! (I never thought I’d see the day…)

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· 8:53 am

Pocket Girlfriends…Desperation, Take Two!


 

Look at what I found on Etsy today…Pocket Girlfriends…officially making this blog post the sequel of desperation to my other post,  Pocket Manfriends. Fellas, you didn’t think the seller (or myself) would forget about you, did you? Apparently we both believe in equal opportunity pathetic-ness.

Are you sick of thinking you found the perfect woman, only to have the cloak of sanity disappear about a month in, leaving you with a raving lunatic? Are you tired of  having to listen to stories about what her friend said, when you could care less? Are you frustrated at having to explain again and again why you think larping is a great way to spend a Saturday with your friends? (That may explain why you are single. Just saying.) Well, look no further, because the following lovely ladies might just be the answer to your prayers.

Before I introduce them, let’s  see what the seller has to say about them collectively:

*If you’re lost without a super sweet, rad chick by your side…
here’s your solution! 

*Take her anywhere with you for a dose of female intuition, utmost organizational skills and all-round girl power. Lend her to a friend in need of some TLC. (OMG! Do NOT lend her to your friends. You will NEVER live it down. EVER! You will be 80 years old, and your friends will pick up a rock off the street, draw a face on it with a Sharpie, and still remind you of your old Pocket Girlfriend. Trust me!)

*All the best bits about a girlfriend minus the emotional unpredictability and duvet-hogging tendencies. (Can someone please state what best bits are left here?)

Anyway…on to the ladies….

Charlotte

Meet your new pocket girlfriend, Charlotte. Her feet are small but her heart is big. She also makes the most delicious coffee cake. (That cake must be tough to make considering she’s just a head.)

Lucy

Meet your new pocket girlfriend, Lucy. A fan of fruit cider, Elvis Costello and soggy toast. (Also, she will nag you to shut off the lights when you leave the room, just like a real woman would!)

Melissa

Meet your new pocket girlfriend, Melissa. She has a small brown cat called Bruce and a secret stamp collection. Vegan. Conditions her hair with coconut oil. (A secret stamp collection? What a wild one she is!)

and our final bachelorette….

Ramona

Meet your new pocket girlfriend, Ramona. Ramona starts each day with a list and a cup of nettle tea. She has a white Alsatian called Felice and a large striped sock collection. (Make room…she’s going to need her own sock drawer)

Are none of these ladies exactly what you were looking for? I hear ya!  They do sound about as fun as watching paint dry.  Fear not, you can just make your own lovely Pocket Girlfriend.

 

If Charlotte, Ramona or Lucy aren’t your type, here’s your chance to design your own girlfriend.

That’s right, you choose everything – skin, hair, eyes – if only it could be this easy in real life!I’ve made a list here for you to copy and paste in the ‘note to seller’ info box
Hairstyle :
Skin :
Eye:
Hair:
Lips:
Necklace: (choose up to three)
Glasses :
Cheeks :
Freckles :
NAME:
PERSONALITY:

Too bad they cut these ladies off at the necklace, because if men had the opportunity to pick a cup size, these might sell a little better. (The seller totally should have thought that out further!)

Just like the Pocket Manfriends, these retail for $11.28 each. If you make your own lovely lady, it will run you $20.95. Perhaps you should just take that money, go down to the bar, have a stiff drink or two and reevaluate your life instead of ordering one of these. Just my two cents.

Pocket Girlfriends…That’s Shitsy too!

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July 30, 2012 · 8:20 am

Baby Legs/Seashell Disaster.


 

Look at what I found on Etsy today…”Hermit Fairy Fae Baby Legs Out of a Seashell”.  That is flat out creepy!

The seller describes it as follows:

This little hermit fairy is only half way in it’s house! It’s amazing how they can wind themselves up into those seashells….
One of a kind sculpture by Amanda Day, sculpted from polymer clay. The fairy is secured into the shell and has been gently blushed to bring out the skin tones.

Oh, and it comes with a “certificate of authenticity signed by the artist” which is great because then you’ll know exactly who to blame for this disaster.

You know what this is good for? Scaring the shit out of little kids before taking them to the beach. You won’t have to worry about them going down to the waterline to collect seashells because they will be stricken with the irrational fear that this is going to be their fate.  Instead they will sit up on the blanket with you crying to go home all day long. Ah, what a relaxing day at the beach.

This retail for $39 AUD, but if you’re from the United States it’ll run you $41.94 plus another $10.75 to ship it. Yep, that’s $52.69 worth of future therapy  sessions for your children. Get it while it’s hot because, of course, there’s only one in stock.

Hermit Fairy Fae Baby Legs Out of a Seashell…That’s Shitsy!

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· 6:20 am

Thanks For Thinking Of Me!


I am so honored to have been nominated for some awards by a few fellow bloggers…namely millieonherworld, Facetious Firecracker, Spijder at Whirling Point, and theroommom. I really love reading their blogs too, so I feel like I am in good company!! :)  Please go and check their blogs out!

Since it’s three awards, and I’m slightly lazy, I am going to do them all at once. I hope no one minds that!

Wow! One was really nice, but three?!? I’m flattered!  Again, thank you so much!

Onto the good stuff…

The Rules:

  • Link back to the blogger who nominated you
  • Paste the award image on your blog or blog post
  • Tell 7 Facts About Yourself ( 10 for the One Lovely Blog Award)
  • Nominate 15 other blogs that you would like to give the award to.
  • Contact the bloggers that you have chosen and let them know about the award.

Alrighty then…10 Facts About Me:

1. I don’t know how to do just one thing at a time. It’s either multi-task or nothing.

2. I am seriously addicted to my I-Pad!

3. I am also addicted to milk. I drink about a 1/2 gallon per day, and would drink more than that if I didn’t stop myself.

4. I LOVE the smell of gasoline. I roll down the windows at the gas station and sniff it in happily.

5. I can “speed-read”. Not like the freaks on TV that turn a page a second, but I read very, very fast. I’ve been able to do that since I was a kid. Thus people think I just glance at things when they hand them to me…especially my students. They will stand there and quiz me on what I just read. It’s pretty funny and a nice time saver for me.

6. My eyes open at 4:30am every single day, (even in the summer…grrr)… no matter what time I fell asleep. Damn you internal alarm clock.

7. If I didn’t have extended family and a great job, I would pack up and move to a tropical island like the Dominican Republic in a heartbeat. (If we ever hit the lottery though, I am out of here!)

8. I deeply regret having taken 8 years of French, instead of Spanish. All I can do is read the back of the conditioner bottle with that. Bummer.

9. I think living at the Jersey Shore is as good as it gets. As they say, “My life is your vacation.”

10. I’m dying to get Freshly Pressed. C’mon WordPress! Maybe someday.

That’s about as exciting as I get. LOL

Nominating Other Bloggers:

Ok, I am going to cheat here a little, because 15 seems like a lot. Here are some that I really enjoy though, and I hope you will check out their work. I wouldn’t steer you wrong! ;)

1. Good2begone ”Truth with a side of slight insanity”. I never miss a post!

2. The CHICago Life  My one stop blog for the best in fashion and food!

3. I Can’t Watch, Is it Over Yet? Funny without fail!

4. Idiotprufs : Funny lessons on idiocy..which also just happens to be one of my favorite words!

5. My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours Hysterical…and it makes you feel better about your own life!

6. Joe’s Shitty Ideas If you haven’t read this blog yet, then do so immediately! I literally LOL every single time! Truly outstanding!

7. Remain Insane Aside from the fact that Gemma cracks me up with her “stupid people” rants, I also get to vicariously see Australian life thanks to her!

I’m sure there are some blogs that I forgot about, but these are my top 7.  Congrats to my list of nominees. I’ll be contacting them later today.

Again, thank you to the people who nominated me. I have to say that if I could I’d bestow the award back on them them because I love reading their blogs too!

Happy Blogging Everyone!

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July 29, 2012 · 8:50 am

Pocket Manfriends


Look at what I found on Etsy today…Pocket Manfriends!

Ladies, are you sick of meeting Mr. Wrong? Has strutting around the Home Depot in your slinkiest of dresses for hours in hopes of hooking a crafty man just not panned out for you? Does online dating scare the shit out of you? Or, as the seller states, “Are you lost without a manly man by your side?” (ie – Are you completely desperate?) Do you want a man that will really listen to your problems and won’t complain about the 10 cats roaming around your house?Well look no further, because your lonely days are over now that you know Pocket Manfriends exist!

Since everyone has their own idea of what they are looking for in that dream man, the seller has quite a few manfriends to choose from. Each comes with a description of what he’s all about, because in case you forgot, looks aren’t everything! (Unless you’re completely shallow…then they are!) You do have to really like beards though, because each one is bearded. Here are some of the eligible bachelors just waiting for you to carry them around in your pocket all day long: (Cue the Dating Game Music)

Craig

This pocket manfriend is called Craig. Take him anywhere with you for moral support. All the best bits about a manfriend (Craig cooks a killer spaghetti bolognese and has hairy feet. Very good at hugging. Favours a hunting sock and a goosedown vest) in a pocket-sized format for portability and even sharing. (The fact that he’ll make sure your house is a the perfect temperature is totally worth the hairy feet!)

Claude

This pocket manfriend is called Claude. He’s a family man and badminton champion. Irons his boxers, secretly likes a good chick flick.  (He does his own ironing? Yahtzee!)

Dominic

This pocket manfriend is called Dominic. If you like spicy foods, he’s your man. He makes a killer picante. He has hair black as the night and owns two cats called Henry and Santiago. Keeps his home clean and his motorcycle shiny. (Yay! He owns cats too!)

Eric

This pocket manfriend is called Eric. Graphic designer, bike enthusiast, vegetarian. Combs his beard. Collects vintage armchairs. (Beard combing…huge bonus!)

Ray

This pocket manfriend is called Ray. He’s got firey-ginger hair and a firey temper to match. Accountant by day, serious jazz enthusiast by night. A Capricorn. Very particular about his coffee.  (You better make his coffee right, lest you get to see his fiery temper!)

George

This pocket manfriend is called George. He’s a magician and a pescatarian. Likes his shoes shiny and his trousers pressed. An elusive chap, but a gentleman at heart. (Pescatarian means he only eats seafood. No animal flesh! I looked it up!)

Nicholas

This pocket manfriend is called Nicholas. Drinks red stripe lager out of the can, wears tightey whiteys and teaches science. Has a pet rat. Doesn’t often wash, but is very funny. (Uh oh, your cats may not like his pet rat…and funny totally makes up for dirty, doesn’t it?)

Kenneth

This pocket manfriend is called Kenneth. He’s the blonde one. Challenge him at scrabble at your peril. Mixed martial arts junkie, hip hop fiend, has a beagle called Patrick. (That’s going to be one marathon game of Scrabble. Clear your calendar!)

Eugene

This pocket manfriend is called Eugene. Perfectionist, artist, strong minded, stubborn. His hair is black as coal. His heart is lonely without you. (His goatee screams artsy!)

A “special edition”  manfriend:

Peter…whose stubble makes him “special”

Peter’s job as an animator keeps him indoors but his heart is in the open outdoors. He’s got carabiners in his pockets and calluses on his hands. A rock climber at heart, he will be your rock and steal your heart. (OMG, he’s got pockets too!)

Don’t see one you like? Are none of these men good enough for you? Yeah, they all do seem like a bunch of pain in the asses with their quirks. You’re trying to buy Mr. Right here. You don’t need to put up with that shit! Put your foot down girl, and just make your own perfect man!

Design Your Own Manfriend!

If Nicholas, Ray, Craig, Eric, Dominic, Kenneth, Claude and Eugene aren’t your type, here’s your chance to design your own manfriend. That’s right, you choose everything – skin, hair, beard, eyes, even his name and personality – if only it could be this easy in real life!

Each of these manfriends costs $11.30, unless you decide to go out on a limb and design your own. That’ll set you back $20.67. They take about five days for her to send out to you…but hey what’s a few more days of waiting since you’ve been sitting around this whole time waiting for Prince Charming to show up anyway, right? Besides, it gives you plenty of time to shave your legs and buy a new dress with pockets!

Pocket Manfriends…That’s Shitsy…and maybe the most desperate thing I’ve ever seen.

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July 28, 2012 · 9:55 am

The Bra Planter


Look at what I found on Pinterest today…A Bra Planter!  OMFG! I cannot even begin to tell you how many times people have actually repinned this under “Gardening”, “Home Decor” and “For the Yard”. Yes, there are actually people who think this is a good idea.

One of the pins even includes the directions:

Spray painted bra hanging planter. Fabric sewn to the bottom, layered with chicken wire, soil and flowers. Fun and sassy!

SASSY?!? No, that is flat out Whiskey Tango!

First of all, there is no reason to upcycle your bra! When it gets all stretched out, THROW IT THE HELL OUT! I am racking my brain trying to figure out what would even possess someone to come up with this. I’ve got nothing. Here’s a thought…splurge a little on some pots that can hang on a fence people…anything but this!

Secondly, look at that stained up piece of shit! I’m hoping it got stained from watering the plants after the poor choice of upcycling, and not before. How can anyone think this is a good look in their yard? Imagine going to someone’s house for a BBQ and seeing that? What would you even say?!? “Hey, I like the way your old bra color coordinates with your flowers?”  Can you imagine the looks on the faces of the other moms when they come over to pick their child up from a play date? Those play dates would come to a screeching halt at the sight of that.

I cannot believe the comments people have written under some of them either:

* “The bigger, the better with a bra planter!”

* “Not if you wear an A cup! Two measly pansies!”

* “Your cup runneth over!”

* “Give your plants “a lift” with a bra planter!”

* “Tacky, maybe. Do I like it? Hell yes!”

What a pack of assholes! That is such a bad idea that I am almost at a loss for words. This just may be the worst idea I have ever seen on Pinterest!

The Bra Planter…I dub thee Unpinteresting and then some!

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July 27, 2012 · 6:42 pm

Crocheted Olympic Torch & Rings


 

Look at what I found on Etsy today…a crocheted Olympic Torch and Olympic Rings! What better item to post on the night of the Opening Ceremonies? Once again, I can say that people truly will  crochet anything and everything.

Some people get really into the Olympics. I’m one of them. I watch as many events as possible, even if it’s an event I’m not normally interested in because I just love the spirit of it all. However, I am not so into it that I would ever want to own either of these items.

What the heck are you going to do with those? Are you going to have you and your family/friends do your own version of the torch run into your living room? Are you going to light a pretend Olympic cauldron? (OMG, someone totally needs to crochet one of those!) The seller states the rings cannot stand up, so you have to prop them against something or lay them flat. Oh, that’s fun.  I guess that’s why the seller chose to display this picture of them laying in a plant. I cannot be the only person who thinks that makes an odd way of displaying them.

Crocheted Olympic Torch and Rings…as much as it pains me to say it because I sure do love the Olympics…That’s Shitsy!

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July 26, 2012 · 7:20 am

Strummin’ on the Old Canjo!


Look at what I found on Etsy today…A Canjo Hillbilly Banjo! That’s right…drink it in people!

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, if only I knew how to play the banjo…but it has just too many strings! If only there was a one stringed banjo-like instrument out there that I could master camp songs on!“. Well, your days of fretting over your musical ineptness have come to an end…thanks to the “Canjo!”

This fine piece of equipment costs a mere $20.00 (and an extra $15 for shipping).  The seller uses the following phrases to lure you right in…

* It’s not just a novelty! It’s a true musical instrument!

* It can be hung on the wall, placed in a corner, or even given as a gift to your favorite aspiring musician!

*You will love seeing your friends and family’s surprised faces as you play them the old timey tunes you learned on your Hillbilly Canjo! ( I believe the phrase “surprised faces” is code for “looks of complete and utter dismay”!)

* Children, too, love bangin’ some tunes on this Canjo that is strung with one guitar string and even has frets.

*If you would like a particular color Canjo please leave a color in note to seller at purchase. We will do our best to get the color of your choice. If no color is asked for you will receive the latest color available (white or silver can). (You totally know you’re getting the white or silver!)

Worried that you won’t be able to figure out some “old timey tunes” to play all on your own? Fear not, because it comes with a set of easy to follow directions for 10 songs, such as: Oh Suzanna, Brother John, On Top of Old Smokey, What a Friend we have in Jesus, Down in the Valley, Jesus Loves Me, Beverly Hillbillies, God Bless America, Bonanza, When the Saints go Marching in. See?

That right there is some top-notch instructions! The seller went all out by writing on note cards in pencil.  If you are out on the porch practicing, it’s likely best not to put anything wet near these precious note cards, lest you  lose your directions forever, and then you’ll be stuck with just a canjo and your own imagination.  (I’m just looking out for your best interests!)

I have to admit that I am highly disappointed that there are no directions to play “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad“! I mean, what would be more awesome than you rocking out on this thing around the fire with your friends and everyone anxiously awaiting the big moment when they can all sing “Strummin’ on the old canjooooo!” in unison? It would be everything an encore was meant to be! The seller totally needs to get on that!

There’s currently one in stock. If you want one with a special colored can of your choice, you need to skip your ass on over there because these take two weeks to make! Labor Day is just over a month away, and what more of a perfect way is there to cap off the summer bbq season than stunning your friends with a concert on your canjo? I’m sure it’s something they will talk about all Autumn long!

The Canjo Hillbilly Banjo…That’s Shitsy!

*PS – Now I can’t get “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” out of my head. I’m going to be humming that all day…great.

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July 25, 2012 · 7:29 am

New Year’s Eve Table Settings…Unpinteresting!


Look at what I found on Pinterest today…an idea for New Year’s Eve Table Settings made with dollar store clocks. I do not like this at all. First of all, this would have to be done at the most calm NYE party ever. Most people get stinking drunk on NYE. How are a bunch of your drunk friends going to be able to balance their plates on a clock when they eat? It’s not going to work out. Plates are going to slide around and that nice white tablecloth is going to be all stained up about 5 minutes into the meal. Plus dollar store clocks tick loudly. Who wants to listen to “tick…tick…tick” the entire time they’re eating? You know they would all tick at different times…”tickticktick”. NO!  If I was there, I would be staring at the clock trying to figure out how much longer I have to sit there before I can ditch and go somewhere that people are actually having fun.  What does the hostess do with all of these clocks when dinner is over? Give them to her guests as parting gifts? Me no likey.

New Year’s Eve Table Settings with Dollar Store clocks…I dub thee Unpinteresting!

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· 7:02 am

Patchwork Kitty Pillow


Look at what I found on Etsy today…a Patchwork Kitty Pillow.  What a disaster this thing is, huh? I get the whole patchwork thing, but there is way too much going on here and it actually is painful to look at. I feel like I need to go to the eye doctor after staring at this! The seller must have taken every last little stinking scrap she had laying around and sewn them together to make it. What a bad case of “waste not, want not” this is. She should sell it under the name “Shitty Kitty”! It would be a much more accurate description.

The seller describes her creation as follows:

Patchwork Kitty Pillow with Ragged Edges in Pink Floral Colors with Acrylic Navette and Quarter Moon Rhinestone Eyes That Sparkle & Pipe Cleaner Whiskers That Glitter. She is stuffed about 3 1/2″ thick and is 16 1/2″ tall by 12″ wide. Her 3′D tail curls in a near heart shape. Her pink felt heart nose is a embroidered on with a blanket stitch.

Thank God she gave such a descriptive detail because I wouldn’t be able to make out the differences in what she used. I had to actually stare at it in order to see the 3-D tail curling into a near heart shape. Also, she really went full board with the pipe cleaner whiskers, didn’t she? They are flat out awful, if you ask me. They’re all over the place. I don’t know any cats with funky whiskers like that, do you? I cannot even remotely tell that they are glittery, but the seller swears they are.  The pillow is a whopping 3 1/2 inches thick…what the hell am I going to do with such a thin pillow? I’d be better off resting my head on my arm…and the pipe cleaners may slice my cheek open anyway. The ends look a little frayed, so I’m guessing they’re sharp. Maybe that’s why she says this isn’t especially good for children. I don’t really think it’s good for anyone, especially someone who hasn’t had a tetanus shot recently!

This fine specimen retails for $29.00 (Yeah, I couldn’t believe that either!), and there’s only one in stock (shocker) so you need to HURRY UP if you want this gracing your humble abode! Actually, I am pretty sure you can take your sweet nature time going over to the site to order it, because I don’t foresee this going anywhere anytime soon.

Patchwork Kitty Pillow…That’s Shitsy!

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